Thoughts On: John 1:6-8

There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light.

John 1:6-8, ESV

When I was in college, I would go on walks with one of my psychology professors so that he could help me sort out my life. He would let me spout off all of things that frustrated me, in Christianity and in love and in careers, and then he would say something simple and haunting. One time he said “you are thinking about your life as an either/or. Why don’t you approach it as a both/and.” But the one that really got me was during a walk through the graveyard. As we made our way through the twisting streets and broken tombstones, he said “do you think maybe you want to be God?”

I said “of course not.”

He smiled.

I know now that he was right. I wanted to save the world. I wanted to adopt orphans and right the wrongs of oppression and tell the world how to fix it. More than that, I wanted to know the plan. I wanted to know exactly what the sum of all my gifts added up to. I wanted to know what career would best lead me into my whole self. I wanted to run the show. 

I truly thought that if I could make sense of my gifts, if I could figure out what I was here to do and what I was meant to be the best at, that I could be a light in this dark world. I wanted to know how to be unbeatable - I wanted to know how to not be overcome. 

And there it was, the lie that came creeping in: I can be the light.

Trying to be the light exhausted me, though. It wore me down, until I woke up in my bohemian-bed the November before graduation and could not get up. I felt paralyzed. I did not have a plan, and the previous ones had turned to dust in my hands. It was then that I realized: I don’t want to be God anymore. 

I think the healing began right there.

And here it is again, plain as day in Scripture: Humans will never be the light, but we can spend our lives testifying that God is, and will always be. 

So here it is, simple and full of truth: I can bear witness to the light. It is my vocation within any job, it is my calling in every city, and no matter where I decide to live and what projects I decide to pursue, God is the one in charge. I don’t get to see the full picture, and I don’t get to save the world, because Jesus already did. There is so much still to understand, but I am beginning to see: I am not the light, but the light now lives inside of me. It is time to learn, now, what bearing witness truly means.