Thoughts On: John 2:23-25

Now when he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many believed in his name when they saw the signs that he was doing. But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.

John 2:23-25, ESV

I am defined by people. 

This week the lie rang out loud and clear. Transitions are hard for me, and this one has been no exception. I found a new job and a new apartment and a new path, but it’s still hard, and it’s been hard in many ways because of this lie. Somehow I always manage to entrust myself to people who have no interest in me, or too much interest in me, and I am still struggling to figure out what true friendship looks like. I am still learning how not to be defined by people. 

Jesus knew how to not be defined by people. He didn’t entrust his wellbeing to them because he knew that they change their minds. He didn’t need anyone else to tell him who he was because he already knew: He was steady, he was sure, he was stable. That’s what I want, and there’s a truth to go with it: I am defined by God. 

Some truths are harder than others, and this one is harder for me. I have gone without boundaries for two decades, and when it finally caught up to me I nearly drowned in the grief of those twenty years, drenched in the realization that nothing was what I had painted it to be. None of the pretty pictures of my life were true. They were banana peels dressed up as princesses, and my life fell apart. 

Now, I am finally allowing myself to be defined by God; but first I have to get to know him. That’s what this project is, really - me getting to know God. Me learning his truths and his heart and his love for me and for humanity. So while this truth is important, it is also tied to every other truth I have discovered and will find along the way. And I suppose that brings me comfort, that being defined by God is a process. Boundaries are a process. I may still be weak, but I am growing stronger, and my definition is becoming more clear. I don’t have to worry about my identity, because it is in him. It will always be in him.