Thoughts On: John 1:29-34

The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, "Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! This is he of whom I said, 'After me comes a man who ranks before me, because he was before me.' I myself did not know him, but for this purpose I came baptizing with water, that he might be revealed to Israel." And John bore witness: "I saw the Spirit descend from heaven like a dove, and it remained on him. I myself did not know him, but he who sent me to baptize with water said to me, 'He on whom you see the Spirit descend and remain, this is he who baptizes with the Holy Spirit.' And I have seen and have borne witness that this is the Son of God."

John 1:29-34, ESV

I give up. I cannot be a good Christian anymore. I have tried my entire life to be good enough for God. I willed myself to be better and I covered up and I hid behind walls of shame and blame. My religion killed my soul, and I nearly suffocated. I don’t want to do it, anymore. I want the real deal. It is partly why I began this experiment - I want the truth, no matter how wild or free or strange. I don’t want to be nice, anymore - I want to be strong. I want to be rooted.

What I do will be enough, I thought. So I tried and I tried and through all the trying I nearly died. Even now, in a ministry job, the thought has entered my mind - maybe if I do all of it well enough, it will all be enough. 

The first thing that came to mind as I read this passage was John’s knowledge that what he did was not enough. He didn’t seem to mind, much - John proclaimed Jesus to be the Son of God, and he knew that that would be enough. He knew that through everything he did, God would make a way. He knew that without God, his actions meant nothing, and he knew that with God, his actions fit in. 

Jesus Christ is enough.

I keep coming back to it, over and over again, like the waves keep coming back to the shore. I cannot ever be good enough, and still, God will love me. God will allow me to pave the way for him to move. He doesn’t need me and he could do it all without my help, but he lets me in. What a mystery, that we get to partake in God’s plan. It will always be enough.