Thoughts On: John 1:35-42

The next day again John was standing with two of his disciples, and he looked at Jesus as he walked by and said, "Behold, the Lamb of God!" The two disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. Jesus turned and saw them following and said to them, "What are you seeking?" And they said to him, "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?" He said to them, "Come and you will see." So they came and saw where he was staying, and they stayed with him that day, for it was about the tenth hour. One of the two who heard John speak and followed Jesus was Andrew, Simon Peter's brother. He first found his own brother Simon and said to him, "We have found the Messiah" (which means Christ). He brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon the son of John. You shall be called Cephas"(which means Peter).

John 1:35-42, ESV

In the past few years I have needed to move on from many things. I’ve moved on from relationships, from friendships, from homes, from addictions, from places. I said goodbye to people I loved and to houses that served as a refuge and to children I watched grow up. I am awful at goodbyes, and looking back I can see why these years have felt at times like a floodgate of sorrow had opened up on my life and drenched me stone-cold. Floods don’t let up just because you need a moment. The hits kept coming. 

So it stands to reason that I thought I might lose Jesus, too. I think in the process of moving on from an entire world of thought and pain and despair, I accidentally thought God belonged only in that world, as well. Of all the broken hearts I could endure, I am sure I could not endure that one. To lose Jesus would be to lose my lungs and my heart and everything I stand on. I didn’t even realize, in all the heartbreak and all the goodbyes, that the worst of lies had begun to weave its way into my life:

I have to move on from God. 

I am relieved to write it down, because I can see it isn’t true. As John’s disciples transfer their trust from a mere man to Jesus Christ, Jesus asks them what they are seeking. In what seems like a menial response, they ask “where are you staying?” But it isn’t menial. It is maybe the most important thing we will ever ask. 

In this passage, it is possible that “staying” only meant “dwelling place”. The new disciples want to know where Jesus is living, because they want to go there, too. But it may also have a theological meaning; they may be asking Jesus how to continue with him - how to abide with him. 

In all the grief, I never considered that there was one person I would never need to let go of. There is a man I will never have to move on from, or leave behind. I will never outgrow him or have to say goodbye. The truth is, I can stay with Jesus.

And now I know: I will never move on.