Thoughts On: John 3:34-36

For he whom God has sent utters the words of God, for he gives the Spirit without measure. The Father loves the Son and has given all things into his hand. Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.

John 3:34-36, ESV

I get tired a lot. I haven't always been the best at living a peaceful, gentle life, and I'm only just beginning the art of self-care and rest and being loved. It's been a long road to find truth, but there has been a lie that embedded itself into my weariness, and it's been a rough one to unlearn - the lie that God is stingy. 

Honestly, I wish I didn't have to say that the church fed me this lie, but it did. I learned growing up that God gave out a limited amount of grace and goodness and hope, and the rest was ours to fight for and earn. The scarcity I believed in left me exhausted, and only four years into my walk with Christ I nearly gave into the exhaustion completely. Satan would have had that lie take my life, but God knew better, and I finally heard His whisper amidst the screams of stinginess and fear:

The Holy Spirit is limitless.

I can't tell you how much breath this truth has brought to my soul. Even now, as I write the truth out again, my eyes well up with the grace I thought I would never get my hands on. I didn't know that the Holy Spirit lived in abundance within my very being. I didn't know how God wanted to give me unending love and support and gifts. I didn't know, because I let the lie be louder. And if there is anything I want to do with my life, it is to be the woman who whispers with her life that the Spirit of God is limitless. I want to be the woman who speaks to God's abundance - because it's true.

I am learning, slowly, about God's limitless nature. It is foreign to me and I am not the best at dealing with culture shock, but I am continuing to walk the peaceful road that only a few years ago I thought was a cop-out. I am learning to breathe and I am learning to pray, but most of all, I am learning to be still in the presence of the Spirit. I am learning what it means to come home.